Guilt-free "Do-Nothing" Day

Have you ever had a do-nothing day?  I had one this week.  It wasn’t completely a do-nothing day.  I DID go to the gym and I DID get my car washed, but for the most part, the rest of the day was do-nothing.  We live in a world that measures value in terms of busyness, like being busy is somewhat of a status symbol.  It’s no wonder we feel the need to be productive ALL THE TIME.  As a long time sufferer of extreme busyness, it’s not uncommon to feel guilt whenever I have a do-nothing day, especially in the early days of my retirement.  Before retirement, we dream about how wonderful it will be to have do-nothing days, but when you actually have one, the guilt sets in.  Although our do-nothing days are rare, they are hard to get used to.     

Chances are, if you were a busy employee before retirement, then you are a busy retiree after retirement.  You’re calendar is just as full as it was before, it’s just full of a little more fun.   I think people intentionally fill their calendars when they retire just to avoid a possible do-nothing day.  In other words, most people don’t retire to doing nothing every day.  Most retirees spend their days pretty productive, whether it be a part-time job, helping out the family, house and gardening projects, the list continues.  BUT on the rare occasion that there is little to nothing on your calendar one day, it’s ok to have a do-nothing day.  There actually are benefits to these days - whether you’re retired or not.  

Doing nothing isn’t the same as being bored and the term shouldn't be confused with the dictionary.com definition of a do-nothing (lazy or worthless person).  Doing nothing once in a while can be relaxing, healthy, and (believe it or not) productive.  Getting used to the freedom of doing nothing once in a while before retirement will help you settle into retirement easier and quicker.  It’s not a bad idea to have these do-nothing days once in a while before retirement.  One of the most difficult transitions new retirees make is being ok with doing nothing.  So why is it important to do nothing once in a while?  It can improve your mood, lower your heart rate, improve your emotional well-being, help make you feel well rested and clear your mind.  You worked hard for dozens of years - you deserve a few of these do-nothing days.  (But don’t make a career of it.  Obviously, too many do nothing days can result in an unhealthy lifestyle.)  

What does it look like to do nothing once in a while?  It’s not just sitting on your sofa and staring at the walls all day.  Being idle looks different for everyone.  If you want to have a do-nothing day but you don’t want to stay home, go bumbling (it’s a nice word for wandering around without purpose).  Slow down your walking pace and walk around a quaint nearby town - browse the boutiques, sit and read or have coffee/tea at an adorable coffee shop (or better yet, a lavender green tea/lemonade at your favorite sidewalk café).  I love my bumbling days.  Start out with a nice healthy breakfast, put on a comfortable outfit, and drive to your favorite cute town with adorable shops.  No need to have a purpose or to buy anything - just browse.  Don’t want to leave home?  Spend a day binge-watching a TV or Netflix series that’s been on your radar.  This is an especially great choice on rainy days!  (You really don’t even have to change out of your PJs.) 

Bottom line - give yourself permission for a do-nothing day once in a while.  You’ll get used to it.

The 4 (or 5) Day Getaway - Part II

Looking for a 4 Day Getaway? Try these! 

• Asheville, NC 

Stay:  The Omni Grove Park Inn or The Inn on the Biltmore Estate

Best Spa (by far):  The spa at The Omni Grove Park Inn

Definitely see:  The Biltmore Estate (Mansion, Gardens, Winery)

Activity:  Segway Tour of the Biltmore Estate

Shop:  Downtown Asheville

Favorite restaurants:  Sunny Pointe Café (great farm to table) and Stable Café (historical)

• Monterey/Carmel-by-the-Sea, CA 

Stay:  Monterey Plaza Hotel and Spa 

Best Spa:  Vista Blue Spa - top floor of the Monterey Plaza Hotel 

Definitely see:  the beautiful Pacific shoreline via The 17 Mile (bike or drive) and the Monterey Bay Aquarium

Activities:  Hike Point Lobos State Reserve (gorgeous) and take a Starlight Bioluminescence Kayak Tour at Elkhorn Slough. 

Shop:  Carmel Plaza (feels like you’re in a storybook) 

Favorite restaurants:  Mission Ranch Restaurant in Carmel (Clint Eastwood is the owner) and Lulu’s Griddle in the Middle on Fisherman’s Wharf in Monterey; get clam chowder in a bread bowl at any restaurant (we liked Lalla Oceanside Grill in Monterey right on Cannery Row).  

• Sedona, AZ 

Stay:  L’ Auberge de Sedona 

Best Spa:  L’Auberge de Sedona (try a massage by the babbling creek!)

Definitely see:  Chapel of the Holy Cross, Oak Creek Canyon, and the sunset over Sedona at Airport Mesa 

Activities:  Hike!!!  Sedona is one of the best destinations for hiking in the country.  If MOAB is too ginormous for you, go to Sedona.  It’s absolutely breathtaking.  Also take a Pink Jeep Tour (we liked the Broken Arrow).

Shop:  Tlaquepaque Arts and Crafts Village

Favorite restaurants:  Indian Gardens Café and Market (best sandwiches EVER!), The Pump House Urban Eatery and Market, and Mariposa (go for lunch and sit outside for an extraordinary view).

• San Diego, CA 

Stay: Hotel Del Coronado on Coronado Island, The Sofia Hotel in the Gaslamp District (boutique hotel)

Best Spa:  The Spa Torrey Pines; if you book a spa treatment, you get full unlimited access to the fitness studio, steam room, sauna, and inhalation room.  

Definitely see:  San Diego Zoo, The Whaley House in Old Town (supposed to be one of the most haunted places in the U.S.), Coronado Island, the sea lions sunbathing in La Jolla Cove, Balboa Park and Sea World.

Activities:  Hike Torrey Pines State Park (try an early morning hike followed by spa day at Torrey Pines), and a day of wine tasting in Temecula.  

Shop: Seaport Village

Favorite restaurants:  Herringbone in La Jolla and Casa de Reyes in Old Town.

• Chicago, IL  

Stay:  theWit (it has a nice view of the city, rooftop lounge with sweeping skyline views, a great spa, and it’s located near the theater district)

Spa:  Spa@theWit

Definitely see:  Navy Pier, Millennium Park, any of the great museums, the Shedd Aquarium, or a Cubs game (Wrigley Field is historical).

Activities:  beach day at Oak Street Beach on Lake Michigan, Broadway in Chicago musical

Shop:  the Magnificent Mile, Water Tower Place

Favorite restaurants: There’s a million places to eat in Chicago!  If you go to the theater, two favorites are Trattoria No. 10 and Catch 35, both near the theater district.

• San Francisco, CA 

Stay:  at a boutique hotel.  There’s dozens and many are like B&Bs.  

Definitely see:  Alcatraz (night tours are eerie), Pier 39, and Golden Gate Park (take a Segway tour or rent a bike to see it - it’s SO BIG),

Activities:  walk across the Golden Gate Bridge, take a hike at Muir Woods; the giant redwoods are incredible.

Favorite restaurant:  The Tonga Room and Hurricane Bar at the Fairmont Hotel.

• Washington, D.C.

Stay:  Holiday Inn Washington - Capital (SO CLOSE to the National Mall)

Definitely see:  The Smithsonian (two favorites are Air and Space and American History), ALL of the war memorials, Lincoln Memorial, Washington Monument, the White House, the Tidal Basin, U.S. Capitol, United States Holocaust Memorial Museum, Jefferson Memorial and more - grab a map and see what you have time for.  If you can rent or bring a bike, do it.  D.C. is a bike friendly town and there’s a lot of walking at the National Mall.  

Activity:  You’ll get your exercise walking or biking the National Mall!

Favorite restaurants:  the food trucks - D.C. is known for them and there are dozens to choose from.  There are also dozens of historical restaurants like Old Ebbitt Grill, 1789, Historic Cedar Knoll Restaurant, Occidental Grill, and Ben’s Chili Bowl.   

• Virginia Beach, VA

Stay:  on Atlantic Avenue (ocean front)

Definitely see:  Colonial Williamsburg, Historic Jamestown, Cape Henry Lighthouse, Virginia Aquarium

Activities:  Busch Gardens Williamsburg, Water Country USA, the Virginia Beach Boardwalk - biking, walking, rollerblading, horseback riding, surrey rental, fitness park 

Shop:  Town Center 

Favorite restaurants:  Chick’s Oyster Bar, Rudee’s Restaurant and Cabana Bar, Catch 31; for breakfast, The Bee and the Biscuit, Bay Local, and Hair of the Dog Eatery. 

The 4 (or 5) Day Getaway - Part I

Weeklong vacations to exotic locales are exciting and adventurous, BUT can be pricey and can eat up a lot of vacation time if you're not retired.  Sometimes all you need is a 4-5 Day Getaway somewhere in the U.S., maybe even your own (or a neighboring) state.  Retired or not, the 4 Day Getaway can be perfect.  If you’re still working, tack on a couple of vacation days to the weekend and the 4 Day Getaway will feel like you’ve vacationed without taking a lot of time off work.  For retirees, the 4 Day Getaway can save some cash by traveling between Sunday and Thursday.  You can pack a lot into 4 days - sightseeing, shopping, outdoor activities, and dining with time left to relax.  Planning the perfect trip can be a lot of fun once you get past the first 3 all-important (but most stressful) steps - Choosing Your Destination - Making Travel Plans - Booking Accommodations.  

We chose beautiful Monterey and hiked near Big Sur.

Destination.  Where do you want to go?  Whether flying or driving, you want to choose somewhere you can get to in a few hours to avoid spending a lot of time getting to and from your destination.  Choose a destination with weather conducive to the activities you want to include.  Our trip to Monterey in June was perfect for biking and hiking with temps hovering around 70, but if we were planning on beach time (in bathing suits) we would have chosen a different destination (brrrr).  

Travel Plans.  Road trip or flying?  If flying cross country, catching an early non-stop flight will afford you time to hop in a rental car and drive to your destination with time left to enjoy your first day.  Although we had to drive 2 hours to our Sedona destination from the Phoenix airport, we were fortunate enough to get an early non-stop flight, so we could take advantage of a full afternoon of activities on Day 1.  (The time change helped too!)  For closer destinations, there’s always the road trip.  Our road trip to Asheville, NC was 9 hours.  Flying time would have been the same (or more) after tallying up the hours it takes to get to the airport, sit and wait, fly, rent a car and drive the two hours from airport to hotel (no nearby airport).  Road trips can be fun, especially when you have beautiful scenery and fun stops along the way.  If choosing the road trip option, plan some attractions to see on the way to your destination.  Stops on the road trip can be a fun part of the agenda.  

This was our balcony view in Sedona!

Accommodations.  Make your accommodations part of the experience, not just a place to lay your head at night.  Our girls getaways almost always include a spa experience so we try and stay at spa resorts when we can.  Don’t forget scenery - our Sedona trip would not have been the same without a balcony view of “Snoopy Rock”.  While in San Francisco, our stay at a boutique hotel with it’s old style elevator and cozy rooms was part of the adventure.  If you are an AARP member, always mention that - you might get a discount.  When traveling with a group of friends, splurge on the fancier accommodations and share the cost.   

Once you’ve tackled destination, travel plans, and accommodations, the rest is easy and fun.  What are you going to do?  What do you want to see?  Where do you want to eat?  Use Trip Advisor and travel blogs - they can be your best friends.  Create a list of desired activities, build an agenda and make dining and activity reservations if you can.  With a 4 day getaway, you almost have to have an agenda to help your vacay run smoothly and reservations save you from wasted time and disappointment. 

On our bike ride down the Pacific coast.

Dining.  Dinner reservations will cut down on time wasted waiting for a table, so make them if you can!  Trip Advisor is extremely helpful when choosing your restaurants.  Take advantage of the reviews, pay attention to price, and try cuisine that is native to the region (again, part of the adventure).  On our girls getaway to Asheville, NC, we had fun trying each restaurant’s version of fried green tomatoes.  In Monterey, it was the clam chowder!    

Activities.  In addition to regional cuisine, try regional activities!  Challenge yourself to attempting something on every trip that’s out of your comfort zone (within reason).  In Sedona, we climbed a mountain.  In Monterey, we kayaked at night with the seals, otters, and bioluminescent plankton and biked down the coast.  Don't forget to make reservations for activities as well!  Our Alcatraz Night Tour in SF had to be booked 90 days in advance.  A nice mixture of physical activity, sight-seeing, and shopping makes for a great getaway.  Relax in the evening with a  yummy meal, a crisp wine, and stimulating conversation!                     

Kayaking with sea life. 

Next Week:  Part II of the The 4 (or 5) Day Getaway - Destination Ideas

Is Your Retirement Fulfilling or Just Busy?

If you ask many retirees how they like retirement, you nearly always get the response, “I don’t know when I had time to work!”  Their days are filled with shopping, errands, and appointments; get-togethers with friends are regularly calendared.  They have time to do everything they wanted to do when they were working but never had time for and can be  completely selfish with their time.  But does that really bring happiness?   

    

After a couple of years of retirement and going through the honeymoon period of taking full control of how you spend your day, you may ask yourself if you are happy just being busy.  You may have settled into a routine that you consider fun - lunch dates with friends, morning workouts, matinees; you may have taken on some fun projects like redecorating the house or taking trips here or there several times a year (just because you can) - all fun, or at least pleasant, but you may feel dissatisfied.  Can’t imagine feeling dissatisfied in retirement?  If you were lucky enough to find fulfillment in your career, you most likely strive to find fulfillment in retirement as well, and simple pleasures may not be cutting it.    

After the daily jubilee of “Yay!  I’m retired!  I don't have to go to work today!” wears off, it’s common to feel some type of loss - could be loss of social interaction, lack of purpose, or a feeling of disconnection - so we fill up our time with being busy.  We fill up our new free time with pleasures.  Although important, pleasures don’t always fulfill our need for a purpose.  Thinking back on your life when you worked, you were respected, valued, needed.  Your feedback and advice meant something.  You were part of something larger than yourself.  If you found your career fulfilling, you were probably pretty important.  So why do you need to have a fulfilling and purposeful retirement after years of working in a fulfilling and purposeful career?  What's wrong with just doing nothing in retirement?

Part of what kept you going in your career was your purpose - whether it be the love of your work or a need for the money.  Without purpose, you'll end up drifting along, losing motivation.  Instead of running the day, the day will run you.  The difference between pleasure and fulfillment is that pleasure comes from external sources - sitting by the lake with a warm cappuccino, walking on a sunny beach in the middle of January. Fulfillment comes from within.  Fulfillment comes from things like sharing your legacy, benefiting the social good, or continually improving your physical and mental fitness.  It might come from exploring your passion or learning a new skill. 

Retirement seems like the perfect time in your life to find that purposeful life.  What skills and traits do you possess that can be used to leave people, places and things better than how you found them?  What events and relationships are worthy of your time?  I used to shape the minds of children and help other teachers hone their craft in my previous career as a teacher.  Now, when I spend time with my grandsons, I help them discover the world by taking them on "field trips" or reading to them.  The adventure trips that I plan each year for our girls getaway inspires all of us to step outside our comfort zones and push ourselves mentally and physically.  Enrolling in a photography class to sharpen my skills has helped me preserve important events in the lives of my family and friends.  My routine of a daily dose of vitamin D through hiking, biking, and gardening sets a positive tone for my day.  After two years of the "no plan plan," I'm finding my purpose in retirement.   

Don’t be afraid to leave your profession, explore your passion, and take a risk at trying something new.  A healthy mixture of pleasure and fulfillment seems perfect.  

48 Hours in San Francisco

There are a million things to do in San Francisco.  My girlfriends and I planned our annual Girls Getaway for Monterey and Carmel, but tacked on a couple of extra days to spend in San Francisco.  We made the most of our short time there and proved that it is possible to pack a quintessential San Francisco getaway into 48 hours.     

Lombard Street, deemed the crookedest street in San Francisco (maybe the U.S. and the world) is eight ziggedy-zaggedy turns in one block on a slope that would make a great challenge for an X-treme downhill skier.  Driving down the 600 ft. red brick road is similar to riding a roller coaster (without the loops) at 5 mph and it will all be over in two minutes.  Set the GPS to 1099 Lombard Street and give it a shot.    

If you’re going to San Francisco you absolutely HAVE to walk across the Golden Gate Bridge.  We parked in a lot near the Golden Gate Bridge Visitor Plaza on the southeast end of the bridge.  You can take pictures at the beautiful vista point before walking over the 1.5 mile art deco style bridge.  Some tips:  wear layers, it can be warm or it can be cool from the wind; pull your hair back if you have long hair - WINDEEE; bring a camera - you’ll take a hundred pictures; take your time and enjoy the views.  

Take a walk on Pier 39, known for it’s fresh seafood restaurants, shops, and (my favorite) sea lions who camp out on K-dock.  We spent a couple of hours strolling the pier, noshing on clam chowder (in a sourdough bread bowl of course), browsing the specialty shops, and giggling at the sea lions battling one another for “king of the hill” as they sunbathed on the dock.  You will also see street performers and musicians scattered around Pier 39 and a fresh fruit market (we picked up fresh California cherries to snack on).  

After doing my homework on awesome places to have small plates and drinks in San Francisco, we were hell bent on visiting the Tonga Room at the Fairmont (no matter how tired we were).  There was no way we were going to pass up a Polynesian themed tiki bar with a live action rain and tropical thunder storm and drinks served in a coconut.  Add to that a live band playing catchy music on a floating stage.  After all, Anthony Bourdain liked it so we knew we would too!  

SF is a great city for boutique hotels.  They’re cozy, and many include breakfast and a wine and cheese hour.  We stayed near Nob Hill at the White Swan Inn.  Loved the vintage elevator, cozy rooms with a fireplace, and personal touch.  

Obviously, one of the highlights of San Francisco is Golden Gate Park.  It’s over a thousand acres so we chose to see it via Segway on the morning of Day 2.  After taking 30 minutes to teach us how to drive a Segway, our tour guide led us on a two hour journey through the magnificent park.  We made a short stop at a food truck for lunch, then switched over to hiking mode and ventured out to Muir Woods, about 20 minutes north of the city.  

The giant redwoods at Muir Woods are overwhelming, to say the least.  Hiking trails range from very easy to more difficult.  No matter which trail you choose, you’re hiking among old growth coast redwoods, nearly 300 feet tall and 500-800 years old and they are spectacular!  

We finished our hike in enough time to shower, change, and have a little wine and cheese before trekking out to Fisherman’s Wharf to catch our Night Tour of Alcatraz - another must-see!  We headed out on the 6:30 PM ferry, arrived on the island twenty-some minutes later, and had a VERY interesting (and eerie) tour of the Cellhouse.  

Wrapping up our SF mini visit, we had drinks and small plates at The View Lounge at the Mariott Marquis to get an exquisite view of the city.  Early the next morning?  A flight back to Chicago to relax from our vacay! 

Loving Retirement: An Amazing Girls Getaway for the Spa Warriors

Loving Retirement: An Amazing Girls Getaway for the Spa Warriors: After climbing mountains in Sedona last year, our annual girls trip somehow transformed into sort of an Amazing Race meets Bravo Hous...

An Amazing Girls Getaway for the Spa Warriors

After climbing mountains in Sedona last year, our annual girls trip somehow transformed into sort of an Amazing Race meets Bravo Housewives.  There are two requirements in order to qualify as a venue for our annual girls getaway: amazing outdoor adventures and a beautiful (and somewhat unique) spa.  This year the Spa Warriors (that’s us) chose Monterey and Carmel-By-The Sea (with a two day trip extension to San Francisco) and we were not disappointed.  

There is no way I can describe Monterey and do it justice.  It’s just plain beautiful.  If you want to lay on a beach and soak up the sun all week, Monterey is probably not for you.  The temperature is an even 70s, a little cool for beach weather, and the beaches aren’t sandy - they’re rocky. But if you are active and enjoy bike riding and hiking while admiring sea life and a beautiful

shoreline, this is the place you need to be.  We fell in love with it Day 1.     

A Monterey must is the 17 Mile.  The 17 Mile Scenic Drive can be driven or biked.  My advice - bike it if you can.  We did and what a great experience!  Believe me, it’s a lot longer than 17 miles (you have to bike to the starting point, then of course you have to get back - do the math) but it’s definitely doable.  We are not even close to being Lance Armstrongs and we survived it.  There are 21 stops along the 17 Mile and you are going to want to stop at most or all of them, take photos and read the info-signs.  If you decide to bike it, it will take most of the day.  A great place to stop for lunch is Pebble Beach Golf Course.  You can even shop the little pro shops there.  On the 17 Mile you will see lots of wildlife - seals, otters, deer, birds, maybe even a whale.  The scenery and shoreline are breathtaking.  

After biking 30+ miles, we were ready for a relaxing dinner.  We drove out to Carmel to Mission Ranch (owned by Clint Eastwood).  The view is gorgeous.  Not only will you see the Santa Lucia Mountains, Point Lobos and the Pacific Ocean, but you will also see sheep grazing in the meadow right next to the restaurant.  The food? Yummy!

For our hiking day, we chose Point Lobos State Natural Reserve located in Carmel-By-The-Sea between the coasts of Big Sur and Carmel.  It’s an easy hike up the rock with the ocean and beautiful shoreline always in view and lush canopies sometimes over head.  To avoid sitting in a line to park your car, get there at 8 AM when the park opens.  You can easily get in a lot of hiking by noon and spend the rest of the day shopping in adorable Carmel-By-The-Sea (which was exactly what we did).  After leaving Point Lobos, go south on 1 to the Bixby Creek Bridge (the famous bridge shown in the beginning of every episode of Big Little Lies) for a great photo op.  To get the best photo, pull over to the left (east side) of the bridge onto a dirt road.  You can get the best photos from there with the ocean in the background.  

The ultimate girls getaway is never complete without a little retail therapy.  Carmel-By-The-Sea is peppered with adorable little homes that give it the look of a storybook village.  Carmel Plaza is a one-of-a-kind shopping experience with fairytale cottages, cobblestone sidewalks, and hidden pathways.  For lunch or dinner, check out The Treehouse Cafe.  We sat outside on the upper level and it felt like we were eating in the treetops (the food is great too!).     

Every girls trip has to include at least one activity outside our comfort zone.  This year it was a starlight bioluminescence kayak tour.  We started out at sunset, and throughout the tour had an up close and personal experience with seals, otters, sea stars, and of course the stars of the show - bioluminescent plankton.  We used Kayak Connections at Elkhorn Slough and love them!  (We even took a hot chocolate break.)

After a week of biking, hiking and kayaking, we were in desperate need of a spa day to pamper our muscles.  The spa at the Monterey Plaza Hotel and Spa is rooftop with a beautiful view of the Pacific and a full menu of massages, body treatments, and facials.  

Put Monterey and Carmel on the list of “must do” girls getaways.   

What Makes a Good Mom?

This weekend we officially celebrate Moms, although I’ve always said Moms should be celebrated daily.  One of my fondest memories of Mother’s Day as a child was when we would go to church on Mother’s Day and the alter would be covered in flowers.  The children were called up to choose any flower we wanted and bring it back to Mom.  The look on her face - her big beautiful smile and her big brown eyes filled with such pride - is ingrained in my memory forever.  (FYI-You will always find me capitalizing the words Mom/Mother because of it’s importance.)  My Mother was a warm, loving and very progressive Mom.  She had a warm personality and voice, loving smile, was gentle and beautiful.  By 1960s definition, she was also progressive.  When my youngest brother was in kindergarten, her previous employer called and asked her to return to work and she accepted.  My Dad was self-employed as a farmer so my Mom would leave for work after we got on the school bus, my Dad was home after school to greet us, and they hired a nanny to live with us during the summer months.  That definitely put her into the minority of working mothers, especially living in a small farming community during that period of time.  Starting out as a government Clerk-Steno I, she was continuously promoted and retired in the early 90s as a Case Work Supervisor.  Mom was definitely an early version of what we call the Supermom by today’s standards.  She took great care of her family, rarely missed a day of work, excelled professionally, kept a clean house (back then Dads didn’t help with the cleaning - that’s what daughters were for), helped us with our homework, never missed a school function or one of our sporting events, and never let us miss a day of school - even Sunday School (barring illness of course).  She and my Dad taught my brothers and me life skills and expected us to pitch in around the house and farm as well as bring home good grades and put academic accomplishments as a priority.  They readied us for adulthood and were the epitome of good parenting.  

As I became a parent, and now a grandparent, I have seen my version of good parenting from a child’s point of view, a parent’s point of view, and now a grandparent’s point of view.  Seems like everyone has an opinion of what it takes to be a good Mom.  There is so much pressure on Motherhood and an ample amount of Mom-shaming to go around.  So many questions to answer - Shall I work or stay at home?  Day-care or nanny?  What shall I feed my children?  How often should my child nap?  Does my child need more exercise?  How should I discipline my child?  And let’s not forget to mention all of the child-rearing info coming at these young Mothers - books, dozens of websites and blogs, friends and relatives giving their opinions and all claiming to have the answers.   

With the abundance of child-rearing advice and opinions on what makes a “Good Mom”, one thing remains constant with being a good Mom - that there is no Mommy Guidebook, no such thing as a perfect Mom, and all you really have to do is love your kids and raise them using good common sense, making decisions that are in their best interest.  You will make mistakes as you navigate your way through parenting, but your kids will be great because you raise them with love.  I am one proud Grandmother as I watch my daughter and daughter-in-law raise their little boys with so much love and guidance, teaching their little ones how to grow into happy adults, doing what’s best for their families.  Just like my Mom, they are my definition of Good Mommies.  

Don’t forget to give Mom her day - she deserves it.  If you can’t spend some time with her, give her a phone call (not just a text).  To all the new Moms out there, if you are raising your children with love, you are a Good Mom and everything will fall into place.  Have a Happy Mother's Day! 

The Art of Saying No

The anxiety I had before retirement was baffling.  How could I feel so uneasy about my impending lifestyle of leisurely lunches, travel, and “do what I want” days?  With a little bit of soul searching, I realized that the answer was pretty simple - I was addicted to busy.  It made sense - my grandmother was addicted to busy, my mother was addicted to busy, it became clear that I too was addicted to busy.  

My Type A, perfectionist, workaholic, overachiever personality was rewarded throughout my career which fueled more of the same.  I was able to successfully master the role of Career Supermom and multitask like no other.  After my kids were older and became more independent, I simply took on more responsibility at work.  It was a lifestyle that I had become comfortable with and thrived on.  My impending retirement seemed like such a foreign entity.  Was I going to be happy with this new lifestyle of much less busy?  

Like most retirees who are also addicted to busy, Day 1 of retirement I filled up my calendar with loads of activity, my datebook not looking a whole lot different than it did when I was working.  Now after almost two years of retired busy, I relish the days I have absolutely nothing on my calendar.   

Being busy, especially in retirement, is key to keeping your mind and body healthy.  But being too busy can have an adverse effect.  Whereas in our earlier years, many of us could multitask with ease, it now can cause inattention and mistakes can happen.  Many of us thrived on busyness in our earlier years, but now too much activity can create undo stress.  So how do we know when too much is too much?

Some signs you might be too busy:  

You're thoughts are in disarray.  Since you are thinking of too many things, you can become forgetful and have difficulty sleeping.

Non-essentials take over essentials.  For instance, your home upkeep suffers because you are traveling too much or your social calendar keeps pushing back your doctor appointments.

Your home is a mess - laundry is piling up, projects or tasks are unfinished, paperwork needs to be filed.

You lose track of everyone else’s life because you are so focused on your own like forgetting your friend’s birthday, forgetting to ask your friend about his/her recent trip, or forgetting to call your grandson or granddaughter about an important event in their life.  

Not taking care of yourself - paying attention to exercise, healthy eating, and time to yourself is vital.

Unorganization - an over scheduled life makes it nearly impossible to be organized.

Once we start saying yes to everything we become immune to saying no.  Research from the University of California in San Francisco shows that the more difficulty we have to saying no, the more likely we are to experience stress, burnout and depression.  Want to scale back a bit? Here are some strategies to saying no:

Think about what saying yes will mean.  Many times, saying yes to one thing means saying no to something else.  If saying yes to an out-of-town trip means missing your grandson’s birthday party, is that going to cause stress or even resentment?

Fight impulsivity.  Instead of saying yes right away, think about your answer.  Take time to sit back, look at your schedule and think about the time commitment.  

Don’t be afraid of FOMO (fear of missing out).  Telling your friend you cannot meet for lunch does not mean that you will not be asked again.  Also, you can always offer an alternative date.  

Remember - you don’t need a reason for saying no.  Sometimes you need to say no just because you need to breathe.  Your calendar doesn’t have to be full all of the time.  If you're retired, you should not have to be “squeezing in” events and commitments.   

Try this - say yes to saying no. 

Slow Aging Through Life-Long Learning

6 months before I retired, I purchased a DSLR camera for the purpose of shooting photos of all of the trips I was planning on taking in retirement as well as the grandkids I had hoped to have some day (good thing - I now have two).  My plan was to hone my skills by watching YouTube videos, reading online tips, and practicing with my camera.  Two years later, my camera is still set on auto and I am struggling with mastering the art of taking creative shots and really knowing how to use all of the features my camera has to offer.  

After acquiring a B.S., M.S., and beyond, I never thought I would be going “back to school” post-retirement.  But when my friend Vicki (also my son’s mother-in-law) suggested we enroll in a photography class at a local college, I quickly checked my calendar and decided to take the plunge and register.  We signed up for Photography I and dedicated the next 7 weeks to hands on instruction that would make us better photographers.  I gave my camera a full charge and showed up to the first 6:30-9:00 PM class eager to learn about aperture settings, shutter speeds, depth of field and other goodies.  So far, we have had two classes and my world of photography has grown to be much bigger.  (By the way, my camera is no longer on auto.)

This is one way baby boomers are reinventing retirement.  Post-retirement, we have more time on our hands and are searching for intellectual stimulation as well as developing new interests.  Fortunately, a growing number of colleges and universities are offering continuing educations courses that cater to anyone seeking to learn something new.   Check out the website of your local college and you will probably find a list of adult enrichment courses for lifelong learners.  Planning on traveling to a foreign country? Learn a new language.  Is gardening your new hobby?  There’s a class for that.  Want to become more comfortable with your computer?  Sign up for a computer class.  Starting a new business or maybe want to be able to invest wiser?  Take a class in business and finance.  Maybe you just want to learn a new hobby.  Mine is photography and I love my first class so much, I could see myself registering for Photography II.  

Sometimes retirement means a lot more than just being able to see a movie at 10:00 in the morning or having lunch with your retired friends whenever you want.  Sometimes retirement means reinventing yourself - starting a new business or a serious hobby.  A blog I was recently reading written by Matthew Sloan, Executive Editor of Harvard Men’s Health Watch, equates exercising your brain to exercising your muscles - especially in later life.  It talks about exposing your brain to new challenges to keep it healthy and slow aging.  Sloan’s article, “Back to School:  learning a new skill can slow cognitive aging” talks about enrolling in a structured class to acquire new information and experiences and the benefits it has to slowing cognitive aging.  

Of course, class attendance is not enough.  Practice makes perfect, and the “homework” is fun.  I just finished my homework on shutter speeds.  It began snowing outside and I grabbed an opportunity to shoot the snowflakes at various shutter speeds.  After I master photography, I’m taking piano lessons.  

Want to Sit on Santa's Lap?

The annual trip to see Santa should be a joyous tradition for families with young children.  Except for the crying and the abject terror that most 1 year olds experience when plopped down on the jolly one’s lap, the magic of our children (or grandchildren) telling Santa their dearest wish, being handed a candy cane and smiling for an adorable picture is one of our most treasured Christmas traditions.  

When I was a child, Mom and Dad would take us to the town square.  Santa would sit in his little house, we would line up, and one by one, sit on his lap and recite our wish list (in order of preference of course).  Mom and Dad would be nearby - most likely listening in - and when we were finished, Santa’s elf handed over a candy cane.  There certainly wasn’t a professional photographer, the wait time was minutes - not hours - and we were never ever told that Santa did not have time to see us.  

When our kids were little, the visit to see Santa was a trip downtown (Chicago) to see Santa at the Cozy Cloud Cottage in Marshall Fields.  We made an entire day of it - my parents would come in for the weekend, we would start our day with lunch by the giant Christmas tree at the Walnut Room with a visit from the Fairy Princess (fairy dust and all), then off to sit on Santa’s lap while Mom and Dad took pictures - later to be developed and placed in an album for posterity.  After the much anticipated Santa visit, we would walk a few blocks to FAO Schwarz toy store to try out all of the new toy displays and bask in the magic of Christmas instilled in the hearts of our children.  We all looked forward to this annual Christmas outing - the kids loved the fairy princess, they prepared their list for the “real” Santa, my dad looked forward to taking home his annual Santa Bear mug, and we loved watching the excitement on the kids’ faces.  There was never a possibility that Santa would be “too busy” to spend time with them.  

Having two 1 year old grandsons, who made Christmas so much fun this year, I have realized how seeing Santa has changed - and not for the better.  Working parents, who only have weekends free, face long lines at best, for some, Santa is “booked” 10 minutes after the doors open and he’s “too busy” to see the kids.  Many mall Santas take reservations for a price.  Forget taking pictures of your children.  If you want a snap of your little one sitting on St. Nick’s lap, you can buy their mediocre photo at a steep price, as if Christmas isn’t setting back these young families enough.  

After witnessing the aggravation of the Santa visit for the first Christmas, I decided there’s “more than one way to skin a cat”.  We had a private visit from Santa (my husband) at the house on Christmas Eve.  The suit was borrowed and Santa had a blast playing his role.  Problem solved.  Dominic wasn’t a fan (his first encounter) and Carson was already a pro, having seen Santa earlier in the season.  

The department store Santas, the decorated Marshall Field’s (now Macy’s) windows at Christmas, the fairy princess at the Walnut Room - these were always give-backs to loyal customers at Christmas, not to mention a draw for people to come to the store.  Do we really have to pay for a visit or a photo?  Is it really necessary for parents to make an appointment to see the big guy?  These young families are spending money at your stores - let their kids see Santa and take a photo. 

Being retired, I am lucky to have time to research Santa events, best Christmas lights, other Christmas events - you know, the really important things.  One website I found helpful was santainchicago.com.  If you live in the Chicago area, check it out.  It’s bookmarked on my laptop, all ready for next year.  There you will find information on Christmas events for you and your kids/grandkids including free ones.  One of our favorites this year was The Polar Express - not free of course - but worth every penny.  It’s definitely something we would repeat.  The adults loved it and the kids loved it.  It’s a magical Christmas event you can do with little ones who aren’t yet walking as well as toddlers and older children.  Each child gets a silver bell by Santa himself! 

Hopefully with some backlash from those of us who refuse to succumb to the commercialization of Christmas, the pendulum will shift back to a more positive flow to a simpler, more magical Christmas we all remember.