An Amazing Girls Getaway for the Spa Warriors

After climbing mountains in Sedona last year, our annual girls trip somehow transformed into sort of an Amazing Race meets Bravo Housewives.  There are two requirements in order to qualify as a venue for our annual girls getaway: amazing outdoor adventures and a beautiful (and somewhat unique) spa.  This year the Spa Warriors (that’s us) chose Monterey and Carmel-By-The Sea (with a two day trip extension to San Francisco) and we were not disappointed.  

There is no way I can describe Monterey and do it justice.  It’s just plain beautiful.  If you want to lay on a beach and soak up the sun all week, Monterey is probably not for you.  The temperature is an even 70s, a little cool for beach weather, and the beaches aren’t sandy - they’re rocky. But if you are active and enjoy bike riding and hiking while admiring sea life and a beautiful

shoreline, this is the place you need to be.  We fell in love with it Day 1.     

A Monterey must is the 17 Mile.  The 17 Mile Scenic Drive can be driven or biked.  My advice - bike it if you can.  We did and what a great experience!  Believe me, it’s a lot longer than 17 miles (you have to bike to the starting point, then of course you have to get back - do the math) but it’s definitely doable.  We are not even close to being Lance Armstrongs and we survived it.  There are 21 stops along the 17 Mile and you are going to want to stop at most or all of them, take photos and read the info-signs.  If you decide to bike it, it will take most of the day.  A great place to stop for lunch is Pebble Beach Golf Course.  You can even shop the little pro shops there.  On the 17 Mile you will see lots of wildlife - seals, otters, deer, birds, maybe even a whale.  The scenery and shoreline are breathtaking.  

After biking 30+ miles, we were ready for a relaxing dinner.  We drove out to Carmel to Mission Ranch (owned by Clint Eastwood).  The view is gorgeous.  Not only will you see the Santa Lucia Mountains, Point Lobos and the Pacific Ocean, but you will also see sheep grazing in the meadow right next to the restaurant.  The food? Yummy!

For our hiking day, we chose Point Lobos State Natural Reserve located in Carmel-By-The-Sea between the coasts of Big Sur and Carmel.  It’s an easy hike up the rock with the ocean and beautiful shoreline always in view and lush canopies sometimes over head.  To avoid sitting in a line to park your car, get there at 8 AM when the park opens.  You can easily get in a lot of hiking by noon and spend the rest of the day shopping in adorable Carmel-By-The-Sea (which was exactly what we did).  After leaving Point Lobos, go south on 1 to the Bixby Creek Bridge (the famous bridge shown in the beginning of every episode of Big Little Lies) for a great photo op.  To get the best photo, pull over to the left (east side) of the bridge onto a dirt road.  You can get the best photos from there with the ocean in the background.  

The ultimate girls getaway is never complete without a little retail therapy.  Carmel-By-The-Sea is peppered with adorable little homes that give it the look of a storybook village.  Carmel Plaza is a one-of-a-kind shopping experience with fairytale cottages, cobblestone sidewalks, and hidden pathways.  For lunch or dinner, check out The Treehouse Cafe.  We sat outside on the upper level and it felt like we were eating in the treetops (the food is great too!).     

Every girls trip has to include at least one activity outside our comfort zone.  This year it was a starlight bioluminescence kayak tour.  We started out at sunset, and throughout the tour had an up close and personal experience with seals, otters, sea stars, and of course the stars of the show - bioluminescent plankton.  We used Kayak Connections at Elkhorn Slough and love them!  (We even took a hot chocolate break.)

After a week of biking, hiking and kayaking, we were in desperate need of a spa day to pamper our muscles.  The spa at the Monterey Plaza Hotel and Spa is rooftop with a beautiful view of the Pacific and a full menu of massages, body treatments, and facials.  

Put Monterey and Carmel on the list of “must do” girls getaways.   

What Makes a Good Mom?

This weekend we officially celebrate Moms, although I’ve always said Moms should be celebrated daily.  One of my fondest memories of Mother’s Day as a child was when we would go to church on Mother’s Day and the alter would be covered in flowers.  The children were called up to choose any flower we wanted and bring it back to Mom.  The look on her face - her big beautiful smile and her big brown eyes filled with such pride - is ingrained in my memory forever.  (FYI-You will always find me capitalizing the words Mom/Mother because of it’s importance.)  My Mother was a warm, loving and very progressive Mom.  She had a warm personality and voice, loving smile, was gentle and beautiful.  By 1960s definition, she was also progressive.  When my youngest brother was in kindergarten, her previous employer called and asked her to return to work and she accepted.  My Dad was self-employed as a farmer so my Mom would leave for work after we got on the school bus, my Dad was home after school to greet us, and they hired a nanny to live with us during the summer months.  That definitely put her into the minority of working mothers, especially living in a small farming community during that period of time.  Starting out as a government Clerk-Steno I, she was continuously promoted and retired in the early 90s as a Case Work Supervisor.  Mom was definitely an early version of what we call the Supermom by today’s standards.  She took great care of her family, rarely missed a day of work, excelled professionally, kept a clean house (back then Dads didn’t help with the cleaning - that’s what daughters were for), helped us with our homework, never missed a school function or one of our sporting events, and never let us miss a day of school - even Sunday School (barring illness of course).  She and my Dad taught my brothers and me life skills and expected us to pitch in around the house and farm as well as bring home good grades and put academic accomplishments as a priority.  They readied us for adulthood and were the epitome of good parenting.  

As I became a parent, and now a grandparent, I have seen my version of good parenting from a child’s point of view, a parent’s point of view, and now a grandparent’s point of view.  Seems like everyone has an opinion of what it takes to be a good Mom.  There is so much pressure on Motherhood and an ample amount of Mom-shaming to go around.  So many questions to answer - Shall I work or stay at home?  Day-care or nanny?  What shall I feed my children?  How often should my child nap?  Does my child need more exercise?  How should I discipline my child?  And let’s not forget to mention all of the child-rearing info coming at these young Mothers - books, dozens of websites and blogs, friends and relatives giving their opinions and all claiming to have the answers.   

With the abundance of child-rearing advice and opinions on what makes a “Good Mom”, one thing remains constant with being a good Mom - that there is no Mommy Guidebook, no such thing as a perfect Mom, and all you really have to do is love your kids and raise them using good common sense, making decisions that are in their best interest.  You will make mistakes as you navigate your way through parenting, but your kids will be great because you raise them with love.  I am one proud Grandmother as I watch my daughter and daughter-in-law raise their little boys with so much love and guidance, teaching their little ones how to grow into happy adults, doing what’s best for their families.  Just like my Mom, they are my definition of Good Mommies.  

Don’t forget to give Mom her day - she deserves it.  If you can’t spend some time with her, give her a phone call (not just a text).  To all the new Moms out there, if you are raising your children with love, you are a Good Mom and everything will fall into place.  Have a Happy Mother's Day! 

The Art of Saying No

The anxiety I had before retirement was baffling.  How could I feel so uneasy about my impending lifestyle of leisurely lunches, travel, and “do what I want” days?  With a little bit of soul searching, I realized that the answer was pretty simple - I was addicted to busy.  It made sense - my grandmother was addicted to busy, my mother was addicted to busy, it became clear that I too was addicted to busy.  

My Type A, perfectionist, workaholic, overachiever personality was rewarded throughout my career which fueled more of the same.  I was able to successfully master the role of Career Supermom and multitask like no other.  After my kids were older and became more independent, I simply took on more responsibility at work.  It was a lifestyle that I had become comfortable with and thrived on.  My impending retirement seemed like such a foreign entity.  Was I going to be happy with this new lifestyle of much less busy?  

Like most retirees who are also addicted to busy, Day 1 of retirement I filled up my calendar with loads of activity, my datebook not looking a whole lot different than it did when I was working.  Now after almost two years of retired busy, I relish the days I have absolutely nothing on my calendar.   

Being busy, especially in retirement, is key to keeping your mind and body healthy.  But being too busy can have an adverse effect.  Whereas in our earlier years, many of us could multitask with ease, it now can cause inattention and mistakes can happen.  Many of us thrived on busyness in our earlier years, but now too much activity can create undo stress.  So how do we know when too much is too much?

Some signs you might be too busy:  

You're thoughts are in disarray.  Since you are thinking of too many things, you can become forgetful and have difficulty sleeping.

Non-essentials take over essentials.  For instance, your home upkeep suffers because you are traveling too much or your social calendar keeps pushing back your doctor appointments.

Your home is a mess - laundry is piling up, projects or tasks are unfinished, paperwork needs to be filed.

You lose track of everyone else’s life because you are so focused on your own like forgetting your friend’s birthday, forgetting to ask your friend about his/her recent trip, or forgetting to call your grandson or granddaughter about an important event in their life.  

Not taking care of yourself - paying attention to exercise, healthy eating, and time to yourself is vital.

Unorganization - an over scheduled life makes it nearly impossible to be organized.

Once we start saying yes to everything we become immune to saying no.  Research from the University of California in San Francisco shows that the more difficulty we have to saying no, the more likely we are to experience stress, burnout and depression.  Want to scale back a bit? Here are some strategies to saying no:

Think about what saying yes will mean.  Many times, saying yes to one thing means saying no to something else.  If saying yes to an out-of-town trip means missing your grandson’s birthday party, is that going to cause stress or even resentment?

Fight impulsivity.  Instead of saying yes right away, think about your answer.  Take time to sit back, look at your schedule and think about the time commitment.  

Don’t be afraid of FOMO (fear of missing out).  Telling your friend you cannot meet for lunch does not mean that you will not be asked again.  Also, you can always offer an alternative date.  

Remember - you don’t need a reason for saying no.  Sometimes you need to say no just because you need to breathe.  Your calendar doesn’t have to be full all of the time.  If you're retired, you should not have to be “squeezing in” events and commitments.   

Try this - say yes to saying no. 

Slow Aging Through Life-Long Learning

6 months before I retired, I purchased a DSLR camera for the purpose of shooting photos of all of the trips I was planning on taking in retirement as well as the grandkids I had hoped to have some day (good thing - I now have two).  My plan was to hone my skills by watching YouTube videos, reading online tips, and practicing with my camera.  Two years later, my camera is still set on auto and I am struggling with mastering the art of taking creative shots and really knowing how to use all of the features my camera has to offer.  

After acquiring a B.S., M.S., and beyond, I never thought I would be going “back to school” post-retirement.  But when my friend Vicki (also my son’s mother-in-law) suggested we enroll in a photography class at a local college, I quickly checked my calendar and decided to take the plunge and register.  We signed up for Photography I and dedicated the next 7 weeks to hands on instruction that would make us better photographers.  I gave my camera a full charge and showed up to the first 6:30-9:00 PM class eager to learn about aperture settings, shutter speeds, depth of field and other goodies.  So far, we have had two classes and my world of photography has grown to be much bigger.  (By the way, my camera is no longer on auto.)

This is one way baby boomers are reinventing retirement.  Post-retirement, we have more time on our hands and are searching for intellectual stimulation as well as developing new interests.  Fortunately, a growing number of colleges and universities are offering continuing educations courses that cater to anyone seeking to learn something new.   Check out the website of your local college and you will probably find a list of adult enrichment courses for lifelong learners.  Planning on traveling to a foreign country? Learn a new language.  Is gardening your new hobby?  There’s a class for that.  Want to become more comfortable with your computer?  Sign up for a computer class.  Starting a new business or maybe want to be able to invest wiser?  Take a class in business and finance.  Maybe you just want to learn a new hobby.  Mine is photography and I love my first class so much, I could see myself registering for Photography II.  

Sometimes retirement means a lot more than just being able to see a movie at 10:00 in the morning or having lunch with your retired friends whenever you want.  Sometimes retirement means reinventing yourself - starting a new business or a serious hobby.  A blog I was recently reading written by Matthew Sloan, Executive Editor of Harvard Men’s Health Watch, equates exercising your brain to exercising your muscles - especially in later life.  It talks about exposing your brain to new challenges to keep it healthy and slow aging.  Sloan’s article, “Back to School:  learning a new skill can slow cognitive aging” talks about enrolling in a structured class to acquire new information and experiences and the benefits it has to slowing cognitive aging.  

Of course, class attendance is not enough.  Practice makes perfect, and the “homework” is fun.  I just finished my homework on shutter speeds.  It began snowing outside and I grabbed an opportunity to shoot the snowflakes at various shutter speeds.  After I master photography, I’m taking piano lessons.  

Want to Sit on Santa's Lap?

The annual trip to see Santa should be a joyous tradition for families with young children.  Except for the crying and the abject terror that most 1 year olds experience when plopped down on the jolly one’s lap, the magic of our children (or grandchildren) telling Santa their dearest wish, being handed a candy cane and smiling for an adorable picture is one of our most treasured Christmas traditions.  

When I was a child, Mom and Dad would take us to the town square.  Santa would sit in his little house, we would line up, and one by one, sit on his lap and recite our wish list (in order of preference of course).  Mom and Dad would be nearby - most likely listening in - and when we were finished, Santa’s elf handed over a candy cane.  There certainly wasn’t a professional photographer, the wait time was minutes - not hours - and we were never ever told that Santa did not have time to see us.  

When our kids were little, the visit to see Santa was a trip downtown (Chicago) to see Santa at the Cozy Cloud Cottage in Marshall Fields.  We made an entire day of it - my parents would come in for the weekend, we would start our day with lunch by the giant Christmas tree at the Walnut Room with a visit from the Fairy Princess (fairy dust and all), then off to sit on Santa’s lap while Mom and Dad took pictures - later to be developed and placed in an album for posterity.  After the much anticipated Santa visit, we would walk a few blocks to FAO Schwarz toy store to try out all of the new toy displays and bask in the magic of Christmas instilled in the hearts of our children.  We all looked forward to this annual Christmas outing - the kids loved the fairy princess, they prepared their list for the “real” Santa, my dad looked forward to taking home his annual Santa Bear mug, and we loved watching the excitement on the kids’ faces.  There was never a possibility that Santa would be “too busy” to spend time with them.  

Having two 1 year old grandsons, who made Christmas so much fun this year, I have realized how seeing Santa has changed - and not for the better.  Working parents, who only have weekends free, face long lines at best, for some, Santa is “booked” 10 minutes after the doors open and he’s “too busy” to see the kids.  Many mall Santas take reservations for a price.  Forget taking pictures of your children.  If you want a snap of your little one sitting on St. Nick’s lap, you can buy their mediocre photo at a steep price, as if Christmas isn’t setting back these young families enough.  

After witnessing the aggravation of the Santa visit for the first Christmas, I decided there’s “more than one way to skin a cat”.  We had a private visit from Santa (my husband) at the house on Christmas Eve.  The suit was borrowed and Santa had a blast playing his role.  Problem solved.  Dominic wasn’t a fan (his first encounter) and Carson was already a pro, having seen Santa earlier in the season.  

The department store Santas, the decorated Marshall Field’s (now Macy’s) windows at Christmas, the fairy princess at the Walnut Room - these were always give-backs to loyal customers at Christmas, not to mention a draw for people to come to the store.  Do we really have to pay for a visit or a photo?  Is it really necessary for parents to make an appointment to see the big guy?  These young families are spending money at your stores - let their kids see Santa and take a photo. 

Being retired, I am lucky to have time to research Santa events, best Christmas lights, other Christmas events - you know, the really important things.  One website I found helpful was santainchicago.com.  If you live in the Chicago area, check it out.  It’s bookmarked on my laptop, all ready for next year.  There you will find information on Christmas events for you and your kids/grandkids including free ones.  One of our favorites this year was The Polar Express - not free of course - but worth every penny.  It’s definitely something we would repeat.  The adults loved it and the kids loved it.  It’s a magical Christmas event you can do with little ones who aren’t yet walking as well as toddlers and older children.  Each child gets a silver bell by Santa himself! 

Hopefully with some backlash from those of us who refuse to succumb to the commercialization of Christmas, the pendulum will shift back to a more positive flow to a simpler, more magical Christmas we all remember.

Have You Tried a Meal Kit Service?

Watch an hour of TV and you will most likely see 1 or more ads for meal kit services like Hello Fresh, Blue Apron, or Home Chef.  Curiosity enticed me to read blogs and reviews on them and I found opinions ranging anywhere from “it’s cheating” to “it’s a lifesaver”. A meal kit contains food ingredients (exact measurements) and recipes so that fresh meals can be prepared without grocery shopping or searching for new recipes.  They have turned into a multi-million dollar business since becoming popular some five years ago.  I figured someone must like them - they must offer something that attracts consumers - so I gave them a try.      

About 2 months ago, a friend of mine shared with me how much she enjoys her Hello Fresh meal kits and had a coupon for a free box if I wanted to give it a try.  It sounded like something I might like - I like to cook, like to try new recipes, but I don’t enjoy going to the grocery store or wasting money on ingredients/spices I am only going to use for one recipe.  I chose my meal plan (2 meals-3 days/week), delivery day, and 3 meals for the first week from about 8 options (that was fun) and waited patiently for the first box to arrive. 

The ingredients and recipes for the 3 meals that I chose were delivered to my front door, packed in a box with plenty of cold packs to keep them cold all day until I arrived home.  The ingredients were organized into clearly marked packages.  All I had to do was pop them into the fridge.  After trying a meal kit service for 6 weeks, here is my review:

Cherry-Drizzled Pork Chops with Tomato Couscous Salad
- one of my favorites

Cost:  It’s cheaper than eating out, more expensive than purchasing your own groceries.  Hello Fresh (and many of the others) works out to be around $10 per meal.  Factor in the money you save by not buying ingredients you need just for one recipe (ever had to buy an entire jar of something and you only need a teaspoon?) and it can be pretty economical.  

Recipes:  Probably my favorite feature is that the recipes are different - not the same old meals we are comfortable cooking/eating.  Each week there are 8 completely new options.  Recipes are printed on nice cards that can be kept for later if you want to repeat a recipe.  Everything you need is included with the exception of salt, pepper, and olive oil.  For novice chefs, the recipes are easy to follow.  For experienced ones, you will expand your horizons and learn new skills and recipes.   

Healthy:  The meat and produce are fresh and the recipes use a variety of vegetables.  When selecting your meals, the nutritional information is provided.   

Flexibility:  If you are going out of town, or none of the menu options really appeal to you for a particular week, you are not committed to buying a meal kit.  Just edit to “skip week” and you won’t be charged.  Again, another great feature. 

Crispy Frico Cheeseburgers with
Caramelized Onion Jam and Roasted Broccoli - Yum!

Convenience:  I thought that once I retired, I would have all kinds of time on my hands.  Well, it didn’t work out that way.  I am just as busy (if not busier) than I was when I was working.  It’s so nice not to have to think of what to make for dinner, let alone go grocery shopping.  I can get home from my day of whatever by 5, and usually have a restaurant-type meal prepared for us by 6:15.   

Delicious:  I have yet to cook a meal I would not eat again.  There will be favorites, but they are all delicious and fresh.  

All in all, it’s not cheating.  The meals don't make themselves so you are still cooking.  They may not be a lifesaver for us because we are not going to survive on them, but we will continue our 3 days/week schedule and skip weeks when out of town - perfect.   We like them.   

How's That Bucket List Doing? Making Time for Your People

After returning from a wonderful long weekend getaway to San Diego with my daughter, my friend, and her daughters, I reflected on the short three days we had together - the giggles, the new experiences, the priceless moments we shared.  There’s no argument that saying “yes” to an extended weekend of wine tasting and beach walking in beautiful San Diego is pretty easy, but I am also aware of how difficult it was for my daughter to say goodbye to her baby and husband, and to block out all of the work that would be waiting for her when she returned.  She’s a full time teacher, part-time grad school student and new mom.  But she’s also her mother’s daughter - she took advantage of a 4 hour flight and did school work.  I so remember those days as a working Super Mom.  My schedule was so tight that if anyone even hinted at going away for the weekend, my first reaction was PANIC.  But I made the effort, juggled duties, and made sure that I reserved at least one weekend a month to spend with my parents who lived several hours away.  Either we would go there or they would come here.  We had a nice comfortable van.  When the kids were old enough, the three of us would be busy grading papers while my husband drove.  I taught them at an early age the value of multi-tasking.  I don’t regret it for a second.  Not only was I able to spend time with my parents, but my kids were also able to build beautiful relationships with both sets of their grandparents. 

One thing my mother always said to me when I started having children was, “the housework can wait, duties will always be there, people won’t”.  She was right.  Sometimes if we wait to take vacations, grab weekend getaways with our loved ones, or check anything off our bucket list - if we wait until the time is “perfect”, the perfect time may never come.  Before you know it, we aren’t physically able to get around any more and we may have lost our window.  I definitely don’t want to have regrets of things I always wanted to do and am no longer able to.  

My bucket list is important to me.  Spending time with our children, their spouses, the grandkids - priceless.  Those of us who are retired and are still physically able to travel are truly blessed.  My daughter and her family don’t live far, and I have made a personal goal to try and see my son and his family, who live out of state, monthly.  So far, since grandson Carson was born in February, I have only missed two months - not bad.  Of course, my bucket list actually hangs on my wall (a great hand-made gift from my daughter-in-law).  I’m a list person - gotta write things down.  

So far, the bucket list has a ways to go, but I'm working on it and it's always changing.  It’s a work in progress.  How’s yours look?