The Power of Friendship

It’s not always easy maintaining a solid group of friends after you retire. Back in the day of work friends, the camaraderie that developed during lunchtime or professional situations resulted in social gatherings outside of work. When our kids were growing up, we developed and maintained friendships through their sports teams and activities.  Aristotle would describe these friendships as “friendships of pleasure” - you are friends because you have something in common. Aristotle also describes another type of friendship as “friendships of the good” - the most powerful and enduring. These friendships have shared values and goals and take longer to build. Many times, our “friendships of pleasure” develop into “friendships of the good”. 

So many of the close friendships we have as adults developed from neighbors, co-workers, or parents of our children’s friends with whom we shared common interests. But as life begins to change and we don’t see our work friends on a regular basis or our children grow up and our social calendar doesn’t revolve around sporting events, our friendship circle gets smaller.  

Although it may be easy to fall into the trap of going separate ways from your friends as life takes you in different directions, a happy retirement is going to depend on the friends you are spending your precious time with. It may take a little extra effort to preserve those “friendships of the good”. Friends are the family we choose for ourselves. Studies show that the secret to longevity may be our relationships with good friends. Remember - a friend isn’t just someone we know - it’s someone with whom we have a close bond of mutual affection.  So how do we keep those important friendships strong throughout the years? 

Focus on others - not yourself.  The key to connecting with your friends is to show an interest in them. You will be a better friend by showing interest in them rather than trying to get them interested in you. 

Pay attention.  Put your phone away when you are spending time with your friend. Unless you are taking an emergency call, give your friend your undivided attention. Remember details - likes, dislikes, things going on with their life. Remember their birthday. Little things go a long way. 

Put them on your calendar. Telling your friend “I will see what’s going on” when he or she tries to schedule something with you is a message to them that you will spend time with them if you don’t have anything better to do. When your friend wants to meet for lunch, dinner, a movie, or whatever, put them on your calendar and don’t cancel. 

Remember you have different friends for different reasons. Not all friends like to be (or can be) active, not all friends are good travel buddies, and not all friends enjoy the theater. We have different friends for different reasons. Avoid getting frustrated and losing a friend just because they don’t like to do everything you like to do. Even if you have absolutely nothing in common with your friend but he or she is a great listener, meeting up for lunch may be the only thing you do together and he or she may be your go-to friend for therapeutic conversation. 

Be the friend that you would like to have. Be reliable, trustworthy, and thoughtful. Be kind. So many people as they get older like to “say whatever they want”. Unless you want to lose friendships, don’t forget to be kind. 

Be forgiving. Friends make mistakes and friendships often have bumps in the road - just like families. Unless the friendship becomes toxic, find a way to overcome and move on.