At The End of the Day, Dad Is Still the Boss

Being allowed the opportunity to take care of your parents is a benefit of retirement.  A lot of people would probably disagree with me.  Let's face it - most people don't say, "I can't wait to retire so that I can take care of my ailing parents."  But when you witness the pain and misery of someone you love while they are being taken by a debilitating disease, you wish desperately to do anything to make it easier for them.  I wish I could have retired soon enough to have been able to take care of my mother.  She passed away 19 months ago from Parkinson's.  I wish I would have been able to be with her on a daily basis when her health was rapidly deteriorating.  Fortunately, my dad was there for her every day and he took extremely good care of her.  I was able to travel on weekends to be with her, but that was not near enough for me.

I was fortunate to have very loving, positive, warm, family oriented parents who were not only in love with each other but also love their children and grandchildren more than anything.  Lucky for me, I still have my dad.  "Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day.  Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime."  That was the parenting style of my dad.  In our home, we were given the skills to complete a task then we were expected to accomplish it and do it well.  My parents built confidence in their children by giving us opportunities along with support and encouragement.

My dad has had a couple of set backs with his health lately.  Fortunately, my calendar was clear and I was able to stay with him for a few days to help him out and watch over him.  Sometimes this requires me to "boss him around" a bit.  "Dad, drink more water," "Dad, get out of the heat," "Dad, slow down and get some rest," "Dad, get an appointment with the doctor."  My dad does try and appease me when I come to visit.  He allows me to take charge (to some degree), while joking to his friends about how "bossy" I am.  For an 85 year old gentlemen, my dad is in great shape and is extremely self-sufficient.  But for the times that he has setbacks, my brother and I are a great tag team of support for him.

Like many of you, I like to spoil my dad.  When I visit him, I clean and organize, we beautify my mom's and my brother's gravesites together and I join him in social activities with his friends.  I also try and involve him in activities with my friends.  When he comes to visit me, I schedule get-togethers with the kids so he can see his grandkids.  Yes, he does allow me to come in and kind of takeover - to a point.  My dad is competent, very wise and is still a great influence on my brother, me, and our kids.  He now has two great-grandchildren with two more on the way.  With God's grace, he will be a tremendous influence on them as well.  When my dad speaks, people listen.  At 85, he is still highly respected by his family and members of his community.  When my dad is in the room, he gets the attention.  My dad is the patriarch.  He is and always will be The Boss.