Choosing an Attitude of Gratitude

Sometimes life moves so fast that we tend to focus on everything that goes wrong instead of all of the things that are going right.  Retirement allowed me to truly reflect on everything I had to be grateful for.  I felt so extremely grateful that I was able to retire at such a young and healthy age and spend time with my family and friends.  This feeling of gratitude became a constant in my daily life and little by little, I started to see things from a different perspective.  None of us live in a world where everything goes right all of the time - sometimes we have to learn to make delicious lemonade out of lemons.      

As usual, I found myself turning to Google to search out whatever I could find on the benefits of expressing gratitude.  During this exploration,  I found an overwhelming amount of information on the positive effects of giving thanks.  These rewards range anywhere from decreased illness to increased happiness.  One thing that was constant in everything I read was that we are more likely to reap the benefits of gratitude if we use concrete practices to express thanks, one example being a gratitude journal.   

A dear friend of mine, Linda Rae Chappell, has been using this practice for years in her Dynamic Women workshops.  (BTW I highly recommend going to one of her fantastic workshops.)  Not only does Linda talk about keeping a gratitude journal, she also has the participants practice writing about and expressing gratitude. 

SO - What should a gratitude journal look like?  If you are going to start a gratitude journal, here are some tips:

1.  Choose a journal that works for you.  Some people like to keep an electronic journal on their computer, I like to handwrite mine.  I love my Italian leather (super soft) old world journal that ties on the side. ($34 Barnes & Noble) 
2. Be consistent.  Whether you write in it every day or once a week, write in it at the same time of day or in conjunction with the same activity (like riding home on the train) so that it becomes part of your key habits.  I like writing in mine at the end of my day.  
3. Write at least 3-5 things you are grateful for and explain why you are grateful.  I am extremely grateful for Southwest Airlines.  I use them for travel to see my family and their flexibility allows me to easily change my plans.    
4. Be specific.  Instead of saying, “I am grateful for my health,” say something like, “I am grateful that I received all good results on my blood test, mammogram, etc…”  
5. Make lemonade out of lemons.  Turn negatives into positives.  I am traveling cross-country to AZ this week with my dad to deliver a new van to our winter home.  Do I look forward to trekking across the U.S. for 2.5 days?  Of course not, but I feel so grateful to have my dad that when I look at it from that perspective, I am grateful to have the opportunity to take a cross-country trip with him.    

See how easy that is?  Don’t wait until retirement to adopt an Attitude of Gratitude.  Be happy now.  Good luck with your journals.  

#lovingretirement16

Becoming a New Grandparent X2

This year, my husband and I will be blessed with our first grandchildren.  My daughter and her husband became 1st time parents 8 days ago and my son and his wife will be 1st time parents any day now,  Just as we are coming down from the high of one new grand baby, we will be getting another.  I now know the joy my mother and father felt when I gave birth to my children.  Just as you fall in love with your children the second you lay eyes on them, the same happens with your grandchildren.  

As I helped out my daughter and her husband last week after the birth of their beautiful little boy, I realized a lot has changed in the 25 years since I last gave birth.  For instance, “back to sleep” means we lay babies on their backs to sleep - not their tummies like we were told.  Today’s breast pumps are 10 times better than the ones we were expected to use, and when I asked the nurse if they still sprinkled corn starch on a baby’s behind during diaper changes, she looked at me like I had 3 heads.  (I did clarify that I meant the baby cornstarch - not the one you cook with.  She couldn’t stop giving me a puzzling look.  Oh well, I guess the answer was NO.)  Did you know that the petroleum jelly we used to put on them to prevent diaper rash is now a “diaper rash ointment with Vitamins A&D?”  Also, remember working with our babies to build their little arm muscles and teach them to roll over?  It's now called "tummy time."  They have super cute little tummy time mats and "gyms" for the babies.  I had to laugh when we were putting the baby through the "tummy time workout".  The grunting and frustration reminded me of the young men I hear at the gym pumping iron.  

Regardless of the many changes that have taken place with baby care in the last 25 years, I realize that taking care of a baby is like riding a bike - it all comes back real fast.  There are many things that remain the exact same as when my kids were infants.  Newborns still hate bath time (initially) and being changed, they are madly in love with their mommies and daddies, and when their grandmothers hold them, swaying back and forth while gently patting their behinds, they fall asleep every time.  Babies still love music (their baby listens to Italian Mountain Music from Dad and Disney Tunes from Mom) and as newborns they live to eat and sleep (how nice!).  Babies still come home from the hospital as nocturnal creatures and the entire first week is spent in a battle of wills between parents and baby, trying to flip their day/night schedule.  

During the first week after baby comes home, help from a grandparent can be invaluable to a parent.  A grandparent with a progressive personality who can combine past experience with new and improved techniques can certainly be an asset to young parents.  I realized that as invaluable as my experience was, I knew that advancements had been made since I had my babies 25-30 years ago.  Grandparents need to be aware that not everything that they did with their babies is the way things are done now.  It’s confusing for a parent to get conflicting advise from their healthcare professionals and their own parents.  The week ran very smoothly as the new parents were open to my experienced advise and I respected the instructions given by their nurses and pediatrician.  In fact, I read the book I had given both sets of new parents for Christmas, What To Expect the First Year by Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel, an awesome, comprehensive book for new parents (and grandparents).  This kept us all on the same page and gave us topics to discuss that we had all read.  Another great book that deals just with sleep patterns is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth, M.D.  I would recommend reading or at least becoming familiar with both books.   

As an experienced grandparent, consider yourself "training wheels" for the new parents.  Instead of giving baby a bath, be there for support while the new parents bathe baby; instead of grabbing baby and bottle for the 2 AM feeding, sit with Dad while he gives baby the bottle so that he bonds with his baby and you are there for support.  As much as I wanted to give the baby his bottle to give mom some much needed rest, I had to remind myself that feeding time can be a special bonding time with baby for Dad as well as Mom.  Don't forget that you may be needed to take care of the new mom - make her lunch, make sure she is drinking fluids, tell her to take a nap and give her the necessary vitamins and painkillers.  She will heal much faster if someone is caring for her when she comes home.  When my kids were born, my mom helped me, I helped my daughter with her baby, and my daughter-in-law's mom will be helping her with her little boy.  (What would we do without our Moms?)

The new parents are settling in nicely.  We are patiently awaiting the arrival of my son and his wife’s baby and are so excited we can’t stand it!  I feel so blessed that I get to be a 1st time grandparent X2!  My children have given me two very precious gifts!  

The Bucket List

With the New Beginning of 2017, it’s time to update the Bucket List!  I’m not a fan of the “list of things you want to do before you die” definition of bucket list, rather I like to define it as “a list of awesome things one wants to do during one’s awesome life.”  By that definition, why wait until you are older to start checking adventures and goals off your bucket list?  I remember a few years ago when my husband and I took the kids on a Disney cruise to the Mexican Riviera.  We went scuba diving and horseback riding in Cabo, zip lining in Puerto Vallarta, ate fabulous food, and had a wonderful time.  My daughter said to me, “this was definitely a bucket list vacation.”  Regardless of the time in your life you create a bucket list, the New Year is a great time to review it and make any necessary changes.  

Sometimes you have to be realistic with your aspirations as some of them can cause more trouble than they are worth.  My desire to skydive was nixed after my son reminded me of my tendency to break bones. During my bucket list review, I realized that a majority (but not all) of my ambitions involve travel.  I am sure that this is no different than anyone else who, like me, was on the workaholic/child rearing treadmill before retirement and had little time for trips other than those centered around the kids’ sporting events.  Whatever is on your bucket list, take an item or two and focus on the steps you need to take in order to check them off.         

Just like when you make a New Year’s resolution, just putting a wish on your bucket list isn’t enough - you need to make a plan on how it’s going to happen.  Since most bucket list intentions take both time and money, you might want to start by budgeting enough money or scheduling enough time to make your bucket wish come true.  I have several multi-generational vacations to be checked off my bucket list like the one we have planned for this summer, renting a beach house on Hatteras Island, taking my kids and their families.  With so many places on my bucket list that I intend on visiting, travel is definitely a line item in my budget.  

Whether you have a Vision Board or an actual Bucket List, your wish list should be in your line of sight so that it is a constant reminder of what you want to achieve or experience.  In other words, hang it up in your home!  I love my Bucket List that hangs in my home showing my hopes and dreams complete with a bucket waiting to accept each item as it’s checked off!  This was an awesome gift from my daughter-in-law who sells them on her Etsy shop, unINKway.  

Now, get started on that bucket list!